「ガンバレ」「ガンバッテ」「ガンバロウ」･･･

苦戦している日本の女子バレー選手を応援しながら、
私は何度これらの言葉を口に出して、心の中で叫んだだろう。
そして、試合が相手国の勝利で終わった時、私の口からは
自然に「よくガンバッタ」という一言が出ていた。

それは、練習を重ねて、競争にさらされてきたキミたちは、
今ここまで来たんだよ、それは誇ってよいことなんだよ、
と、そんな思いを込めて。がんばりと勇気を教えてくれた
お礼を込めて。そして、今ココが新たな出発点であると確認
するために。

だから私は「がんばらない」とは言わない。

何でも思いつきで行動してしまう魔女です。
想像つくと思いますが。。。

そそっかしい私がよく言われる言葉は「気をつけてね。」
ばっかやろーっと、聞くたびにムカつきます。

何を気をつけろというのよ！いつも緊張してろっていうの！（みんな私は「いつも緊張してる」ぐらいがちょうどいいと思ってるわけなんだろうけど）
で、また、いろいろあったら、
「だーから、いつも気をつけてって言ってるのに。」
という事になり、ますますムカつく！
しかも、気をつける状態っていうのはとっても非建設的。
遊びに行くか行かないか---後から、「だーから。。云々」と言われない為には行かない選択をするべしっていうコトになるんですよね。ばかやろー。

気をつけてね
も
頑張って
も
両方命令形なんだけど、
「じゃあ、どうすればいいっていうのよっ！」
となると何のアドバイスもディレクションも無い、丸投げ状態。で、結果的に失敗したときにだけ、現実的な非難となって生きてきます。「がんばってって言ったのに。」「あんなにいつも気をつけてって言ってるのに。」

でも、まあ、
私を前にすると、みなさま、口にしたくなる言葉ではあるのかも。。。

ガンバのぼうけんさん、はじめまして。
また遊びに来てくださいね。

魔女さんこんばんは。まいど！
過去形で言われると、後悔をあおられ、突き放された
ような気持ちになりませんか・・・？
「だからあのとき○○って言ったじゃない・・・」
リセットできる失敗なら、ドジな私☆と笑っていられるけど
大きな病気になったときは、
過去の失敗は本人が一番隅々まで把握しているんだなぁ。

それと関連して、”医師から言われても
どうしようもない言葉”
というのが浮かんできました。
私は実際言われたことはないのですが、その言葉を
言われたら、ガンバッテよりも立ち直れないかも。

続きは次回のなつコラムでね！（いつになることやら＾＾；）

過去形で言われると、後悔をあおられ、突き放された
ような気持ちになりませんか・・・？

私、そんなに思いつめる性格じゃないんで、突き放されたというより、蹴っ飛ばしてやりたいって思う方かな。

でも、これ、コトが重要だと、「何かのせい」にするのって、イヤですよね。私なら、自分のミスでも相手のミスでもなく、天災にしておきたいと思います。
病気なんかが誰かのせいだと、それこそ呪っても殺しても気がすまないだろうし、同じ方向性の攻撃を自分に対して、「後悔」という形でしたくないですよね。特に自分に対しては、もう、いたたまれなくなりそうです。だから、不可抗力にしておくのが一番気が楽じゃない？
よく、医療事故とか糾弾している記事を見るけど、あれもあれで、家族としてはすごいなと感じます。糾弾しているのは相手だけれど、でもその病院に連れて行ったのは自分なわけで、同じだけの攻撃を自分自身にもしてるっていう事ですよね。
「だから、気をつけてって言ったのに。」
気をつけるという行為では決して防げなかったことを、論理的に組み立てて、防げたはずの事故を防げなかった事を更に明らかにするのなんて、よけいつらそうです。
私だったら。。。
この不幸は誰にでも起こりえること。それが自分に起こったことは、誰にも防げなかったこと。そういう証明活動の方が癒してくれそうな気がします。

お久しぶりです。胃ガンで胃を全摘してきました。術後の経過は良好で毛細血管にもリンパにも浸潤がなかったので切除だけで他の治療はしなくて済みました。たまたま受けた検診でひっかかってすぐにカメラをやっておいてよかったと思っています。
病名を告知した主治医は本当に運がいいことに私にとって第一印象がよい方でしたので安心して手術を受けることにしました。（そのあたりは迷う面が全くなかった訳ではないんですけど）その主治医は手術にあたり一緒にがんばりましょうという表現をしました。
がんばってねと言われたりした時は私は社交辞令というか軽く受けながすことにしていたのですが、（がんばれない時は無理しちゃいけないんだというのが信条なので）いっしょにという言葉に励ましじゃない力強い気持ちを感じました。
過ぎてしまえば何とでもいえるけど渦中にいる時は流されるままって感じがなかったわけでもないんですけど。一ヶ月あまりで落ちた体力は胃が無い分大食いだった私は思うように食べれずもとに戻るまでかなりかかりそうです。

　医療経済学・医療社会学を研究している者です。研究のために闘病記をいろいろ読んでいるときに「へこんでも」とこのサイトを見つけました。同世代でもあり、病気を克服されて元気にされていることをほんとうに嬉しく思います。
　いろいろな方の闘病記を読んで感じたことは、病気は人ごとではなく自分にもいつでも起こりうるものだということでした（当たり前ですけど）。
　自分は医学の研究者ではないので、残念ながら直接に病気のメカニズムを解明することは出来ませんが、良い医療を受けるための保険制度や医療環境のなかの人間関係などの研究を通じて何かしら役に立ちたいといつも思っています。
　「へこんでも」は私の研究にとっても、またやる気を起こさせるという点でも、常にそばに置いておきたい一冊になりました。

はじめまして。夫があなたと同じ鼻の悪性リンパ腫になり、ネットでいろいろ調べているうちにあなたの本にたどり着きました。そして、あなたの本がとても参考になり、励まされました。夫は今放射線が終わって、今週から抗がん剤の治療に入ります。今年いっぱいかかると思いますが、私も夫に「絶対大丈夫」と声をかけて励ましていきたいと思っています。

がんばって、っていうのはいろいろありそうだけど、
「大丈夫」っていうのはイイかも。
ちゃこりんさんも大丈夫。

根拠なさそうに思いますか？
根拠あるんです。
だってちゃこりんさん。ご主人が病気になったことは不幸な出来事もしれないけど、今のあなたも、ご主人も「不幸な人」じゃないでしょ。大丈夫。誰もあなたを不幸にできませんから。

魔女さん、ありがとうございます。決して自分からは不幸な人にならない！決して病気ではあっても病人にはならない！１００の好奇心の目が私達を襲ってきたりしますが、たった1つでも優しい目は必ずあるんですよね。それは友人だったり、家族だったり、こうやってネットで励まして下さる方だったり。病気になってしまったけど、こんな素敵な出会いもあるってとても嬉しいことですね。

よしよしー！ご無沙汰しています。約一ヵ月後の亀レスですみません。たくさん助けてもらったのに、何もできない私でほんとにごめんなさい。心の中で思ってるだけじゃダメ。動かなきゃ！って私が尊敬している人がよく言ってるのですが、全然実践できてないです。その後調子はいかがですか？また詳しいお話を聞かせてください。またメールします。（私信？）

イノーさん、はじめまして。「病気はヒトゴトではない」まさにそれを伝えたいと今でも思っています。それと、医療の世界には、患者と医療者以外の視点というのが大切だと思っています。病気になるのは、生きている人全員にその可能性がある。だからこそ、いろんな職種の人が医療に興味を持ち、関わってもらうのが、私の理想です。コメントとても嬉しいです！これからもよろしくおねがいします。

ちゃこりんさん、はじめまして。
マイノリティーである私の体験がなにかの形でお役に立てれば幸いです。そばにいてくれる人の存在は、薬では作り出せない効果があります。どうぞお大事になさってくださいね！

魔女さんまいど～！
もはやブログでないほど更新してませんが、うーん。
今月中に更新できるんだろうか（笑）

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